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My First Love

A whirlwind love story with more heartbreak than happiness. 

I always scoffed at the idea of love at first sight until I saw him: his black hair brightened with a red streak, his wide gleaming smile and his bright twinkling eyes, all stealing my heart instantly.
We spoke day in day out; sometimes staying on the phone until the sun rose and the birds sang. There was something extra enchanting about those mornings; the lack of sleep, the delirious conversations, the first sun ray illuminating the room adding a certain kind of freshness one can only obtain at the crack of dawn. We connected in a way I had never felt before, it was new and exciting and terrifying. I was fucking terrified because I knew he would have the ability to shatter my heart into 1000 pieces, keeping a few shards to ensure it could never heal entirely. I was bewildered at how important a person could become in such a short space of time. We hadn't even met in person yet, but it felt like we had already spent a life time laughing, and creating memories. It was all so new to me. I'd had boyfriends and crushes before, but they were just mates I awkwardly kissed a few times: it was never anything serious with them.

September 2008, I had just been kicked out of my grandparents in Wales and was now living with my mother in Bournemouth. A friend of mine asked me to go with her to meet a friend of hers when I came back to Wales in a few weeks time, I agreed and asked for his msn. I added him and we instantly hit it off, we were up all night talking over webcam - he had the most beautiful smile I'd ever seen. We laughed and joked until early hours of the morning, it just felt..easy.

 Days passed and we talked daily, I finally gave him my phone number and we spoke on the phone until the sun rose and the birds sang - he told me I had the best voice he'd ever heard. But I fucked up; I do this thing where I get nervous about boys and shiver uncontrollably - the strength of my feelings towards him TERRIFIED me so I done what any normal person would do and completely ignored him: I ignored his texts, phone calls, msn messages. We didn't speak for a while (looking back it was like a week). I returned to Wales for a friends birthday where we downed flagons of Strongbow accompanied by bottles of cherry WKD - as a typical basic white girl, I thought it was the perfect time to express my undying love towards this boy and so I rang him. I rang him giggling whilst sat behind a see-through curtain in the pitch black living room whilst my friends were outside meeting their boyfriends getting more and more intoxicated. I spent at least 5 minutes trying to convince him I was sober and just as I was about to tell him I loved him, my phone battery died. I wanted to cry, but looking back, I think the universe was just lookin' out for me like the good gal pal she is. I returned from behind my see-through curtain and carried on with the night, a strange excitement consuming my soul.

Fast forward to a month later and we've been speaking day in day out until one day he just drops off the edge of the earth. I hadn't heard anything from him for a day or two so obviously I'm like OH MY GOD HE'S DEAD WHAT'S HAPPENED?!? Turns out, he wasn't dead - he just had a GIRLFRIEND and stopped talking to me. "Whatevz, I'm a strong independent thirteen year old (lol.) I don't need no man to validate my happiness" is what I howled in between sobs.

We were back in Wales for Halloween, it was a cold but sunny afternoon - the sky blue yet a strong wind making my eyes water and my hands turn purple. I take a leisurely stroll to asda to try and get some cigarettes with my friends and as we turn the corner I see him. I see him laughing and joking with his friends. He looks at me and I freeze, some how we're alone on a wall and now I'm nervous so what do I do? Yep, I start doing the time warp. I do the time warp and we laugh and it's just how it is online.. comfortable and easy. But now he has a girlfriend and it's all too confusing for my pre-teen brain so we part ways and carry on with our days.
That night, as I was bobbing apples trying not to ruin my oh-so-perfect emo eye-liner, my phone rings. It was him. I leave the game and wander upstairs to answer my phone away from eavesdropping ears. We talk, he's drunk. He tells me he loves me and he's going to dump his girlfriend because she isn't me. I smile smugly to myself and advise him not to (I'm such a good person) but he doesn't listen and continues telling me he loves me and wants to marry me until he gets home and passes out. I hang up being more confused than before. Surely 13 year olds aren't meant to deal with this sort of shit? 

A few days pass and I'm back in Bournemouth. He texts me telling me he's dumped his girlfriend and everything goes back to normal. I don't know if I had mug with a capital M written on my forehead or if that's just what 'love' does to you. Either way, it was all magical again. He made my heart race and my soul smile. I was happy once more. Weeks pass and he disappears again. Obviously I learnt from last time so I assumed he had a new girlfriend. I guess I expected it so wasn't massively bothered, I understood we were 150 miles apart, it would be cruel for me to tie him down when I couldn't give him the physical affection people obviously crave. What I did mind though, was that his new girlfriend was my BEST friend. The friend who was with me when I first met him and the friend who I turned to and told everything to, yeah that friend. They were together and neither of them spoke to me.. I know, I know, get new friends Arora but I was young and stupid. Anyway, like clockwork, a week or two into their 'relationship' he rang me telling me he couldn't make her happy and that "she just isn't you" so I tried to help. Literally, I told him HOW to make her happy and what she likes/dislikes trying to save their relationship.. seriously I need a fucking medal or something. They finally break up and whey whadda-you-know HELLO FRIEND, you're back. HELLO BOY I 'LOVE' how are you? All is forgiven and forgotten (definitely think I had MUG written on my forehead at this point)

Anywaaaay, he finally stopped fucking around and we had our first date. December 19th. We met in Bowlplex where we sat and talked about things I cant even remember now, laughing and flirting like the love drunk teenagers we were before sharing our first ever kiss. My heart racing, fighting to be released from my chest and my mind screaming OH MY GOD WHAT IS HAPPENING?! It left me smiling uncontrollably throughout the rest of the night. We left Bowlplex and stepped out into the town, a slight chill to the air as the sun was setting and darkness started surrounding us. We walked up towards the cinema and bought our tickets to watch Twilight. The lights dimmed as we got comfortable, the warmth of his arm resting gentle on my shoulders made me feel safe and fuzzy inside. I nuzzled into his shoulder where we spent the majority of the film whispering and laughing with the odd kiss until it was time to leave.
It was pitch black as we left, stars starting to twinkle in the sky above whilst a soft breeze blew through our hair. We stop and he cups my chin with his warm soft hands. He leans in for another kiss that makes my skin prick with goosebumps and the back of my neck tingle. My wonky smile beams up at him as I think to myself "I never want this night to end." He asks me to be his girlfriend and I try to contain my happiness as I accept. We part ways for the night and I so very much wish I could promise you a happily ever after. But I can't. 


  1. Quite the story. It made me think of being 13 again, and oh god! Haha. Some guys get their f*ckboy tendencies early. But anyway, this was a great post, boo! Keep it up. XOXO

    1. Thank you, however he definitely isn't the bad guy by the end of the story (which I may or may not write about next week) Glad you enjoyed it lovely! xx

  2. How odd, I had my first date with my boyfriend on a December 19th haha! But annnnnyway, I loooved reading this. When we were 13 we really were so young and easily lead! Looking back on it though, our first "loves" have taught us all a hell of a lot! I'm dying for you to finish this story!! xxx

    1. Haha what a co-inkey-dink! Yeah being 13 was a very strange time haha I will be writing part 2 up and posting next Friday Libby! x

  3. Ahhh I loved this!!! You need to write a book, honestly you're writing style is amazing. I need to know the ending. What a cliff hanger!! Hahaha, honestly loved this post. Feel nostalgic reading about being 13 and thinking you're in love!
    Becky Shannon xx - Life-by-Becky

    1. Aw thank you Becky! I'm thinking of doing a short book full of little snippets of my life like this but not sure anyone would buy it haha! You can find out the ending next Friday lovely x