My embarrassing Christmas cracker story

23/12/2016

My embarrassing Christmas cracker story


Once upon a time in a faraway land, there was a little girl called Arora. She had blonde hair and blue eyes and was pretty fucking cool. One day, she got chose to recite a poem in front of a lot of people. She was really excited, and then it all went wrong..

A boy in my class and I had been chosen to recite a Christmas poem. We were in the church, joining in with hymns and watching others perform. I spotted my grandparents with their big camcorder pointing right at me so I gave them a cheeky smile and wave. It was nearly our turn to go on stage. Everyone was singing a hymn and we knew it was our cue to start walking down onto the stage. We had Christmas decorations as props to make it a little more engaging so I was trying not to drop them as I walked down the steep stairs, almost stumbling and falling flat on my face.

We reach the stage and slowly stride towards the microphone. My face glowing a strawberry red and a nervous laugh escapes my lips, echoing around the room. My face grows brighter and brighter red. I look at my classmate and we nod to signify the start. He reads first, then me, then back to him. We use our props just like we had rehearsed and everything was going well. I looked up and smiled to my grandparents and their camera, and my face returned back to it's normal pale colour. This was it. My favourite bit. I feel bubbles in my stomach as I get excited and I try to slow my voice to give the illusion that i am calm I wasn't, I was about to fucking explode I LOVED this bit! We finish the poem and turn to each other, smiling. He holds out the cracker, the cracker that we were so smug and pleased to have because no one else thought to bring props and I grab the end. The golds, greens and reds on the packaging shimmer in the light. We look down at the cracker, it's an intense moment, and we pull.

We pull, and pull, and pull. Nothing happens. We stand like lemons on this stage, pulling this fucking cracker that isn't cracking and we both go bright red. What he failed to tell me before our grand finale is that he'd pulled the fucking gunpowder bit OUT of the cracker because he was nervous. People start to whisper and a few kids start to giggle. I take one last look around at the church full of people, I start to nervous laugh again because I hate public speaking as it is and I never imagined it to fuck up this bad! I pull myself together and scowl at my classmate, stomping off back up to my seat. We sit down as a welsh hymn starts to play. I snarl at my classmate "why the HELL did you do that for? I am SO embarrassed!" he apologised profusely and gave me the toy from the cracker happy days!

What's your most embarrassing school story?

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