Arora Appleby

a journal of healing, learning + loving

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Are you following your dreams?

Everyone tells you to follow your dreams, to pursue your goals and passions like they've all read the same advice textbook. I agree that yes, follow your passions and your dreams because why the fuck would you want to do anything less than that? But do these people really mean it? Do these people, the ones who tell you to go forth and live out your wildest dreams, really believe that that is what and how you, and everybody else, should live? This advice also usually comes from people who aren't actually living out their wildest dreams.

When you do say "fuck it, I'm going live life exactly how I want to live, doing exactly what I want to do" an army of mosquitoes appear and start to buzz around your head injecting doubt, worry and confusion into your brain. "Why don't you get a real job?" they say. "How will you afford to live?" they ask. "oh no, what if it all goes wrong and you're left with nothing?" they proclaim: all very responsible questions but also damaging. It's like as soon as you take these people's advice, they completely backtrack on everything they've sa
id and question you on why you're pursuing these weird and wonderful things you wish to do
. Most of the time it's out of worry: family members telling you to get a proper job because they're worried that you'll be skint and you won't enjoy life as much as possible because of said lack of money.

If you look on a grander scale, all we've ever been taught is how to work for somebody else: in school, we are told that we needed Maths and English to be able to help customers in the shops we're working in. We're taught how to memorise pieces of information and recite it back when asked because it will help us with the repetition of our factory jobs. We're taught Pythagoras theorem instead of how to build your own business - no wonder people are sceptical and frightened when someone with the same education as them decides to say "Actually, I'm doing shit my own way from now on" because as soon as someone says that, they step into the unknown and we're not taught how to handle the unknown. 

The thing is, is that working in a job that you don't want to work at is depressing. I've had many jobs where I've literally cried before going, only to be met with "suck it up, everybody has to do it" - jobs where I've had panic attacks and then been met with "stop being stupid." All of these jobs, I have felt pressured not to quit because someone will be angry and disappointed if I do so. I've become hysterical about why can't I be 'normal' and just go to work in a shop and feel happy, rather than each day wanting to literally die if that was all my life would ever be.

When we feel this way, we also feel lonely - lonely because no-one ever talks about feeling this way, maybe it's literally just me and I'm the only one who thinks and feels this way - but I don't think I am, we especially don't talk about feeling this way towards working because we fear that others will think badly of us, like we're 'scroungers' or 'lazy' but that's not the case. Realistically, in today's society, I understand that yes we have to work - we need money to survive because that's literally just how the world is right now, but I also think that if we do decide to venture out and try a different way of living because clearly this way isn't for everyone, we should be encouraged, congratulated and supported rather than laughed at, shunned and belittled.

You're not going to start earning money the moment you quit your job to pursue what you truly love because you have to learn lessons you've never been taught, you have to spend time planning what you want and where you want to take it, you have to establish your brand and create a clientele. You will have to work hard every day and push through everything that tests your determination and your dedication just to start raking in a little bit of money, but once you're past that, then you can hopefully snowball into success. 

You will have people who, like I described before, will try and put doubt into your mind and make you question whether or not it's the right thing to be doing. You yourself will question your choices: getting a normal job & leading an unfulfilled life is the easy option so you have to keep reminding yourself that to have a fulfilled, happy life, you have to live by your own standards, doing exactly what YOU want to do regardless of anyone else's opinions or life ideals.

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