that time I got cheated on

“I..I have something to tell you” he inhales and looks up at me. My stomach sinks as our eyes meet from across the room.
I already know.
“I went to town Tuesday night with J..” he starts, moving back towards the stove to stir my noodles.
He had told me he couldn’t see me Tuesday night because he was finishing his painting.
“..we came back here and I made a stupid mistake..” he continues, turning the hob down and moving towards me.
J had rang me in the morning telling me all about her night out - she didn’t mention a word about Shane being there.

“..we uh.. we.. you know.” his head hung in shame, he couldn’t even tell me - not properly.
I hunch over, grasp my stomach and start to wheeze. I finally look up at him, my vision blurred.
“..w-why? Why me?!” I ask.

***

I inhale deeply, the room is a blur of cream and blue so I steady myself using the deep oak dining table and try to compose myself.
“You’ve been lying to me for 3 days?!” by now I’m in hysterics. I’m pacing around the dining room and he’s taken a seat on one of the chairs, unable to meet my eye.
“Sorry” falls out of his lips and hits me in the chest.

I see my phone light up across the room and I spring towards it. It’s her. My hands tremble as I hit send on a horrible reply before throwing my phone onto the sofa. I collapse into Shane, who was now stood beside me. His arms wrap around me and I let him stroke my hair as he leads me onto the sofa. There’s a tension in the air: I don’t know what to do or what to think.


I don’t want to lose him. I don’t want to be alone. why aren’t i good enough?

“It made me realise how much I actually love you.” He sits an inch away from me on the sofa with his hands in his lap.
“I don’t want to break up, I don’t want to lose you but I know it’s not up to me anymore. What do you want to do?” he turns to face me, his hazel eyes wet and bloodshot. My body tenses and my mind empties. It’s as though I’m looking at myself from outside of my body as i try to register everything that’s happening.
“I don’t want to lose you.” I finally turn to Shane who’s been sat picking at the skin around his finger nails for the past 10 minutes. As he looks up at me I see a soft half-smile form upon his face.
“Are..are you sure?” he asks me, putting his ink-stained arm around my shoulders. I shiver at his touch and curl into his lap.
“I’m sure.”
I wasn’t
“I don’t want you to speak to her again though.”
I will have both of your heads on a fucking platter
“Thank you for telling me”
Fuck you.