Last year was the year of being selfish.I took a lot of time to myself to rebuild my life, to find out who I really am and to embrace every part of myself, warts n all. Solitude is a funny ole bugger but once you become familiar to it and get a little comfy, you can’t imagine your life without it. This time last year I was terrified of spending time alone. I was scared of the thoughts that plagued my mind and I didn’t want to face the harsh realities of my life. But I forced myself to embrace solitude. I welcomed her with open arms and my life hasn’t been the same since. I need time alone now to truly thrive. I need time alone to process my thoughts and feelings. I need time alone to check myself (before I wr-wr-wreckidy-wreck myself) to make sure I’m acting in alignment to my true self. Last year was all about rebuilding my life and so this year is about Showing Up To It.
I want to Show Up to my life this year, I want to say yes when I want to say yes, I want to say no when I really really want to say no. I want to do everything whole-heartedly: every interaction, every project, every conversation. I want to show up for my family more; I’ve not spoken to my mam since New Years because I “haven’t had time” but in reality I’m just a bit lazy. Same goes for my friends, I want to show up for them too. I’ve been a bit of a rubbish friend in the past but I really want to make an effort with those whom mean the most to me. I want to show up for my relationship with Rowan, my writing, my needs and most importantly myself.
I asked myself at the start of this year
I want to feel healthy within my body, I want to feel more connected to those around me: family, friends, rowan, the universe itself. I want to create more. More poetry, more writing, more painting. I want to create more bad art as well as more good art. I want to be unapologetically myself, always. I want a cosy room to retreat to, I want time alone each day to nourish myself. I want to learn Italian, take lots of photos and create more videos. I want to read, write, practise yoga, play guitar and piano. I want to smile, everyday. I want to live.