I've changed a lot since I last wrote on here. I've started a degree in Counselling and Therapeutic Practice, a goal I've been working towards in the background for the last four years. An aspect of the course is a weekly personal development group, where we sit in a circle and share our deepest vulnerabilities, if we choose to. I've learnt a lot during these sessions; mainly that my trauma doesn't originate from where I thought and that, actually, I'm further along the healing journey than I first anticipated. 

So I suppose this is a bit of a reintroduction to the ✨new me✨

I've picked up gardening as a hobby - at least until the hyper fixation wears off - and am growing an abundance of edible flowers and herbs whilst pulling out weeds from the cracks in the bricks (something that I find quite therapeutic) 

My toddler, Lem, loves being out in nature, jumping in muddy puddles and helping pot flowers in the garden. They're full of energy and have me running around all evening after them, bringing them snacks and juice and cleaning crayons off the walls (who am i kidding, its still there) 

I have every Friday evening free for a date night with Row, although that's usually spent catching up on uni work or lying in bed watching something other than Peppa Pig on the tv. 

I'm turning thirty this year, and for me, it symbolises a new chapter, a new era of life, and I honestly cannot wait. I've told Row that I don't want to know what he's planning but a murder mystery evening would be exciting and also I'm expecting lots of thoughtful presents because I've decided to only celebrate the big birthdays now and to treat life as a constant celebration, not saving my 'best' for a 'special' occasion and just filling my life with little luxuries that make me feel safe, at home and like myself. I'm really starting to curate what I want in life - both materialistically and spiritually - and I've realised that having the little pockets of joy throughout my day really boosts me up. Whether that's wearing an outfit, singing loudly in the shower to my favourite songs, dancing in the kitchen with Lem whilst there's fresh flowers cut from my garden on the windowsill or having a cute little ceramic incense burner in the shape of an Amsterdam house (this is on my birthday gift list) 

I'm fed up of being insecure because I think that's how I should feel, I'm fed up of making myself smaller to make other people more comfortable. Thirty is the decade I shed those layers of masking and start showing up as my whole self.

My favourite flower is Lavender, i aspire to smell like coca butter all day everyday, I have found a new love for light pink, and would argue that or light purple is my favourite colour, I enjoy watching hallmark series about cosy little towns and slightly dysfunctional families where there issues always get resolved in the same episode, it still takes me 3-5 business days to wash, dry and but away my clothes, I tried ranch sauce and its' become a top tier condiment in my life, I found an Orange Juice that doesn't make my tongue itch and I've recently gotten really into board games. I still swear too much, laugh too loud, drink more coffee than I should and have too many pets. 

So hi, nice to meet you