I stopped writing/blogging when I started making moves and money in the industry; it felt as though I had to write more "friendly" pieces, sugar coat a load of shit and not be authentic cause otherwise brands wouldn't want to work with me. But truth is, I want to write about whatever I want whether that be orgasms, books, movies, memories or the first time I fell in love. I want this to be a space for me. 

I also stopped writing because I was seriously fucking depressed and anxious. I was in a 5 year shit relationship with a man who cheated on me and fucked me up mentally; I was having panic attacks every day and I stopped eating with my hands, thought I was going to have an allergic reaction to any and everything and wasn't doing a hell of a lot other than existing. Exciting right?! 

That 5 year relationship ended and I moved back to my home town in South Wales. I had a lot going on: a new boyfriend, a new job and catching up with family i'd not seen in a while. Writing took a backseat. I figured I'd gone a year without blogging consistently so why fret about a few more months? I had a stable job so didn't need the income and so i just..stopped. 

I also stopped writing because I had nothing to say - I was still in the mentality of writing for strangers online that probably didn't give a shit. I couldn't figure out the balance of being open and true and keeping shit private. It's very strange when you plaster your life all over the internet for anyone to read. It still makes me a little uneasy but we're pushing through. 

This is just a quick brain dump post whilst my fiance cooks us dinner. I'll try to be more poetic and tell a story in the future because that's the shit I like to write. But i also like to keep it real. I'm gunna send this over to Katie to read and let me know if she likes it. Katies a good friend, we also read eachothers shit and rant and chat about books and boys and whatever else is going on in our lives. Maybe i'll pretend im writing to her when I write these posts, who knows. 

Anyway, 

I'm off to wash my hands (because lol global pandemic - remember that future arora? 2020 the shit-show of a year?) and have a cigarette (does wonders for the health anxiety)