The eyes are a window into the soul

10/07/2017

The eyes are a window into the soul


I looked into your eyes and saw fragments of myself scattered within your iris.
They're blue.
Like a calm ocean gently kissing the shore. A slight breeze that sends goosebumps down your spine for no more than a split second.
Like a soft blanket that wraps around you on a stormy night. A safety net for when the sadness comes and you need to feel love.
Like a sunny morning signifying fresh starts, happiness and hope. A bird flying high and free showing you what you could do - be - if only you open the cage.

They're blue.
But they say the eyes are the window into the soul
and underneath lies kindness
strength
love
softness
they're blue, but they're so much more than that.

fun fact: the first line came to me in my sleep at like 3am this morning. I built the rest around it. It's probably not great but I just wanted to share the first line. I think it'll work better in a poem which I'm excited to write now!!

A hideously messy existence - 2012

05/06/2017

A hideously messy existence - 2012


It was home for no more than 4 months, and yet it felt like a lifetime - ever changing and forever moving in one direction or another (usually down.) So much love was harvest within those four walls, but an equal amount of sadness and despair plagued the air between those four walls too.
I don't speak much about these times, nor have I ever written about them - I think that because it was such a sacred experience/time in my life where I learnt so much, it feels almost.. precious - and somehow, it feels as though there's an unwritten rule to not share the stories that lie within the timeline of these experiences with anyone other than those who bore witness or that were very much involved in the making of the memories.
*
In so much destruction, anguish and despair there was always a bright light shining, pulling us through - up and towards what was coming next. It was stardust in a black hole hurtling into oblivion. It was the worst time of my life so far and yet, possibly the best, and it couldn't have been either without the other. Ying and yang. Good and bad. It was a time where I felt the purest form of happiness and yet I was constantly suffocating in a cloud of depression.
*
It was the gifted Mc.Donalds that felt like heaven after living off of chocolate cake and 35p garlic bread, it was the bitter taste of burnt cake until you find the perfect cooking time and waking up to scrambled eggs and piercing blue eyes. A constant loop of Happy Feet and shaved chest hair. Hot baths in candlelight chatting with best friends who became family in such a short period of time. Blasting Cher in the mornings to get ready for another day that blurred into the rest, singing and dancing in bras, pants, hats and sunglasses and not noticing our friends who have walked through the door with our shopping stood in awe at the bizarre scene. Friends cooking for each other. Feeling fearless and as though anything is possible. Feeling invincible and noticing every detail of divine beauty the world graces us with - seeing every detail of divine beauty hidden in the depths of even the most broken of humans. Going through heartbreak whilst having so much love pumped into you that you forget the hurt. Going through heartbreak and releasing all this love you have fearlessly without judgement. Voices of Disney villains, floral chairs and weird attics you're still not sure how you got into. Dancing, laughing, crying and confusion - all in its hideously messy existence. Not ever wanting to relive the memories again and yet feeling so incredibly blessed that you experienced it in such a pure way and nothing could ever taint them because they're already completely tainted.
*



#Unboxmycity - A day out in Bournemouth*

03/06/2017

#Unboxmycity - Bournemouth

When the email dropped in my inbox, I was super stoked. Bournemouth is a tourist town so there's quite a lot of cool stuff to do here but you never actually do it because you think it'll always be there. So when Watchshop* emailed me basically saying "Hey, do you wanna go do cool stuff around your town and film it for us?" I was like "hell to the yeah br0" just a little more ~professional~ than that. 

#Unboxmycity - Bournemouth

First off, we went to the Oceanarium, it's right on the seafront so you can sit in the little cafe out the back and watch the waves kiss the shore whilst drinking a brew. I always have mixed feelings about Zoo's, Aquariums etc because I don't believe animals should be held captive but I understand that it helps keep them alive and I love animals so I always wanna go visit them in those sorts of places.
We saw sting rays, little nemo babies and saw the penguins get fed which was interesting - they eat the fish head first cause it's easier for it to slide down the Penguins necks #learnsomethingneweveryday

#Unboxmycity - Bournemouth

After the Oceanarium we headed to Oasis which is a new(ish) play center where you can go bowling, play mini golf, eat and there's a soft play area for kids too which apparently is dead fun. The mini golf was super cool cause there's loads of animal statues and plants and stuff for decoration. I've only played once before and I was shockingly bad but this time around I got a hole in one (which sadly wasn't recorded so now y'all think I'm lying) I was dead chuffed that on the crocodile one I got it in his mouth and through to the end first try. Honestly, I'm so bad at sports so I like done a serious happy dance when it happened cause yanno, I'm a cool adult..obvs.

#Unboxmycity - Bournemouth

Once we completed the mini golf we headed to All Fired Up which is this sick cafe where you get to paint your own stuff - they have a huge range of ceramics to choose from all at different prices. I chose a mug (cause I love mugs, I have a huge collection) and a coaster for said mug. My friend Katie, who joined me on this adventure, chose a latte cup thing which was huuuuge! We ordered hot chocolate, listened to the lady who explained how it all worked then grabbed our paints and created pure masterpieces. When we were done we paid for it all (obvz) and they gave us our receipt which told us when we could go and collect it. It usually takes a week but we went back like 3 days later and it was all finished which was handy!

#Unboxmycity - Bournemouth

Overall, Bournemouth's actually pretty cool if you go and do the things you always put off. It's definitely made me search around for little hidden places to visit. So a big thank you to Watchshop for gettin' me involved in the #unboxycity project. If you wanna check out more just click here there are a few places involved so I think it'd be great to check out if you wanna go on a day trip to somewhere but don't quite know what's ~good~ to do there. Also, this whole day cost less than £30 so super cost effective too! If you wanna watch the whole video head over to my youtube by clicking ~here~

What's there to do in your city?

Disclaimer: this post was in collaboration with Watchshop but all views are my own :-))

A late night thought on heartbreak

08/05/2017

A late night thought on heartbreak


Heartbreak is hard because we all heal at different rates, 7 months pass and people expect you to be healed and so, you act that way. You stop. You stop talking about the hurt to your friends, you save your tears for when you're alone (and you feel so, so alone) and ashamed. Ashamed because should you be okay by now? Are you an obsessed stalker because you still think about them and your love and your loss? Why is it taking so long to heal if people expect you to be healed by now?

It can take years to heal. But with each painful day, it gets a little less painful and eventually, you reach a point where they're not your first or last thought every day, in fact, they hardly cross your mind at all.

Eventually, you do get better - you just have to keep going to get there.

Don't give up, it will all be okay, soon.

Would you rather have loved and lost?

24/04/2017

Would you rather have loved and lost

Would you rather have loved and lost or to never have loved at all?
Sometimes I choose the latter, for if you never knew love, you would ever know what you're missing* But as it stands, we're told fairy tales as children: stories missing the heartbreak and pain, only revealing the happily ever after ending, giving us an unrealistic expectation of an everlasting love. And so, we look for it. We look, we love, and then, for many of us, we loose and wonder that's wrong with us because e v e r y o n e ** else seems to have it and are able to hold on to it. But then, after time, we do it all again, for now we have had a taste of the bittersweet thing that is love, we can't seem to give it up no matter how painful it seems to be. 

But if I had the choice to love and to loose or to never love at all, I'd choose never to love at all. I would choose love over and over again. I can live without a romantic love, I'm a strong independent woman, but to eliminate all love from my life would leave it unbearable. I would rather die than to never be able to feel the satisfaction and love for the strawberry swirl sunset or the birds' cheerful chirp. I would crumble if I couldn't feel the love from my grandparents radiate through their eyes when they look at me, and I sure as hell couldn't live without the soft purr of my cat when I feed her dreamies***

I can survive without romantic love, but I couldn't live a day without love in general.

*a lot of hurt and tears in my experience
**fictional characters in books, tv shows and movies
***the only time she actually tolerates me (I wish I were joking)



Would you rather have loved and lost or to never have loved at all?

The most terrifying thing about death

17/04/2017

The most terrifying thing about death


The funny thing about death is the permanency of it. Even if it's not the end for you* which I believe it's not it is the end for the slab of meat that's carried 'you' around since you were born (aka your body.) Your fingers will never turn the pages of your favourite book again, you'll never know the ending of that film you fell asleep to, your coat will be left unworn and your plants left unwatered. Your favourite smell, song, book and film will live on once you're gone, but everything that was 'yours' will become stagnant. That's the terrifying part, no matter what happens after death, your life as you knew it - as everyone knew it - will end, for good.

*your soul

Are you scared of dying?

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