I've not posted frequently in a while, since January actually, and I'm not too sure why.
I was meant to have the whole no technology month in February which went complete tits up so I didn't post anything on here or on Instagram, then March rolled around and I still haven't really posted anything.
I've not been feeling great these past few months - I started the year on a high, it was going to be MY year, and it still is, just these past few months I've felt anxious and bored and just.. not interesting at all. Don't get me wrong, these past few months have been great externally: I've been hanging out with more friends, seeing and doing more cool shit, reading more books etc. so life hasn't been boring per say, just internally, I, myself, have felt boring and like an uninteresting person even though I'm deffo not that boring. I guess that's the main reason I haven't massively posted anything: I don't think there's anything worth saying - like anything I write is just pointless because I'm a piece of trash and have nothing interesting to say. I don't know, it's a weird one.
I start work tomorrow, I decided to get a part-time 'conventional' job alongside this writing malarky cause I've missed structure and routine in my life - I also miss the social aspect of work cause if I have a bad day I'm still forced to interact with people in opposed to working from home 24/7 where I can curl up in bed and ignore everyone if things get too much. I'm super nervous about starting tomorrow, I know it'll be okay once I'm there but the thought of turning up for my first day not knowing anyone or anything is really fucking daunting so wish me luck!
I'm going to wales next week so I'm going to try and vlog and actually post it for next Sunday because believe it or not, I film every day for vlogs but because I have to transfer everything to a separate laptop to edit it etc it gets too much sometimes and I give up. So hopefully I'll have some good footage for you all in wales and then when I'm back the fair is in town so I'll deffo be going to that to eat my weight in candyfloss and to get some generic ideas for poems which will probably contain the phrase(s) "fun house" and "candyfloss kisses" cause what poem inspired by funfairs doesn't have phrases like those?!
This feels like a really negative post so I'm going to leave it there but I'm going to switch shit up a bit I think, I'll probably start posting regularly (Monday, Wednesday & Friday) in April but it won't be set themes like it has been so get ready for more fun filled content and not just 'deep' shit about the universe and stuff lol.
*all the thumbs up emojis*
Music has always been a big factor in my life - my grandparents were always playing music and I've always had a love for singing and dancing really badly along to them. I've been feeling a little flat lately and so I've been listening to some old favorites to try and get me in the groove which has worked well so far, although, it has made me realise that even though I listen to a whole range of genres (including African tribal music when I was 14) I don't actually change the artists that I listen to a whole lot - usually I find a few great songs that I love with all of my heart and then never play anything else I know, how adventurous. I thought I'd share with you the main songs throughout my life and why they're so important but upon actually writing this I've realised it would be far too long so I'm going to split it into 3: My childhood, my teenage years and my adult life so far.
It's the simpler things in life, the things we look past or disregard, that are usually the most meaningful for I believe every little or simple thing in life adds up and creates your life.
Simple moments are the most precious: the moments where nothing is complicated and everything is easy. The moments where your troubles have left your thoughts and you're blissfully happy in that exact moment.
I've not really been ~feelin~ social media lately - I'll still scroll on facebook, Instagram and read blogs when I'm bored and can't focus on reading, but I've not felt massively compelled to post anything anywhere. It's weird because, at the start of the year I was super pumped to carry on posting on Instagram daily, I was going to write 3 times a week on here still, and everything was looking dandy - yet this month with a balanced amount of technology has sort of left me floating, not sure on what I can contribute that's ~better~ or ~different~ and I know it'll be different because no one has or can write something the way I would potentially write it, but I feel like the thoughts I do have are just a bit moany and negative. Then others are just too complex to write down because I'm lazy and it would mean analyzing the thoughts which would probably just drain me and make things worse. I don't know, I'm in this weird stand-off with myself because I want to write and post but I don't think I have anything worthwhile to actually post.
So it's nearing the end of February and if I'm honest, I do not feel accomplished in the slightest - yet strangely,
I'm feeling more confident that ever. I'm just going to basically dump a whole load of what's been going on this past month and attempt to find some clarity so I can absolutely boss the last week of Feb and have my shit together again ready for March.